The Question I Cannot Ignore

I had dinner with the boys and Sara this evening. It was a great evening, better than I expected actually. Adrian ate as though he hasn’t ate in several days and Andrew spent half the meal pretending not to be annoyed by his brother. Some things, it seems, require no magic at all to remain predictable.

They have grown so much. Of course, I already knew that I have seen the pictures Sara had sent. But tonight, I found myself studying them more closely than I should have. The way they spoke, the way they reacted to one another, every gesture that reminded me of someone else, which I hope Sara didn’t notice since she is worried about them being like me.

I understand her fear, more than she realizes. Given what became of their father, how could I blame her. She has spent years giving those boys an ordinary life in Arcadia. School, friends, wrestling, arguments over things that should matter to boys their age. She wants to protect that life and part of me wishes I could promise her it will remain exactly as it is, but I can’t.

That is why I need to know. There are signs. Small ones, perhaps, but I have lived too long to dismiss them simply because I would prefer another explanation. If Adrian and Andrew have inherited our magic, ignoring it will not make it disappear. It would only leave them unprepared for the day it finally reveals itself.

Still, I would be lying to these pages if I said I was not nervous. I did not let Sara see it though. She always thinks I have all the answers for everything, perhaps I encouraged that belief more than I should have. The truth is considerably less impressive because I am worried.

Not because I believe either boy is destined to become his father. I refuse to accept that blood alone decides the character of a man, but I would be foolish to pretend their father’s choices do not linger over family. After all, power does not create what is inside a person, but it can give that person frighting ways to express it.

And these aren’t any boys, they are his sons, my grandsons. If they are wizards, their lives will change the moment they find out. There will be no going back to the world Sara has built for them. They will ask questions, especially Andrew. Adrian will probably ask fewer questions and attempt twice as many things before I have even finished explaining anything to him. That thought makes me smile, almost.Because beneath all of this is the question I have avoided asking. What if they are powerful? I know what runs through our family, I know what they may have inherited. And I remember another young man who once stood before me with extraordinary potential. I remember believing I could guide him, and I remember being wrong. Maybe that is what frightens me most.

Not discovering that they are wizards but discovering they are and wondering whether I will know how to help them become the men I believe they can be. For now, I have to put my concerns aside and do what needs to be done. We have to know for sure first, for Sara’s sake.